Okay, so it’s been a while since I've posted anything at my journal, but I have a new obsession – Brittana, and I joined a Glee landcomm (two actually). And one of the challenges was to make a manifesto about what we love about Glee and since I make so much art nowadays I felt the urge to write something again rather strongly.
So here is my love letter to my favourite ship right now: Brittany and Santana.
WARNING: I talk about adult themes in here, so if it were a fanfic I’d lable it NC-17.
And I’m sorry if this is way too personal for a landcomm challenge entry, but I just had to get it off my chest. I highly doubt anyone will actually read it, but it was important for me to write it. And I’ll get the points for my team. ;) So that’s something.
First of all, I started watching Glee with the sole intent of only watching for this couple, having been worn down by everything sgafirenity
posted about them in Land of Art.
I’ve always been into femslash, but since I don’t normally watch anything but science fiction or the occasional comedy series, there wasn’t much of it to watch.
I had been into Myka/Helena (Warehouse 13) for a while before I found Glee and I was quite disappointed that those two never got to be a real couple (and probably never will), so I needed some ladylove to get me over that.
And boy, did I get it! I agree with just about everyone that Brittana (I love relationship mash up names :D) has been treated poorly by the PTB’s but that’s not what’s important for me. It’s the characters in and off themselves.
When I first started watching the show, I didn’t really like Santana off the bat (she IS really bitchy in those first episodes), and Brittany was there too scarce for me to form any kind of opinion, but I liked the show for it’s ridiculousness and occasional moments where I literally started crying from the awesomeness (like when Kurt comes out to his dad after they won that big game). So I watched on, knowing that Brittana would be on in later seasons. And I wasn’t disappointed.
I loved their double date with Finn in Hell-O, making out in front of boys to get a free meal, that’s a great tactic. Wish I had had a girlfriend to do that with. :D Also, dolphins are definitely gay sharks.
But the real tipping point for me was Britney/Brittany. I’ve never been into music but I’ve always been into great music videos, lyrics that honestly relay something. Most importantly, I love music that gets to me emotionally. And I discovered very early on in Glee that though I do like most of the songs and how they are performed there are only very few that really get to me. And ‘Me against the music’ definitely is one of them. Come on, what they are doing in there is what I would consider porn. And really great porn at that (which is one of the reasons I don’t like ‘real’ porn at all LOL). I get a nice glowy feeling in my stomach just thinking about it. The only two numbers I love even more are Rumour has it/Someone like you and Smooth Criminal.
I think the start of season 2 was about the point where I started looking for fanfiction too. I’ve never been one to read lots of those, seeing that I have a very specific taste in what I read and it doesn’t match what I watch at all. I mostly read romance novels, not porny in the ‘real’ sense, but romantic and fluffy and always with a happy end, while I prefer watching scifi or action shows, full of adventure and great characters (and obviously love too), but not with a lot potential for romantic fluffy fanfictions, mostly because all the characters are so involved in the stories and the setup that it doesn’t leave much room for the kind of stories I like.
Glee is different. Mostly because (and I hope I don’t get lynched for saying this) the show’s setup is boring. I mean, come on, it’s high school!! But the characters are not boring at all, on the contrary. Especially those two girls who sadly don’t get that much screentime.
I just needed to ‘see’ more of that bitchy cheerleader who just tries to be really honest to people when she thinks they suck but is so vulnerable when someone cracks her hard shell and her overly honest, very literal, sweet but edgy, witty friend / lover. I wanted to see them in other situations, other surroundings. Okay, honestly, I think they are both steaming hot and I really needed some porn.
And with that I found a whole new world I’ve never thought existed. I found others like me, who like stories about two girls making out and more. About the power dynamics in their relationship. About topics that I was normally afraid to talk about in more than anonymous forums and with close friends. Topics like hurt/comfort. Devotion, submission. You get the picture. And I can honestly say that it changed my life. Well, maybe not my life, but definitely the way I see myself and my relationships.
Because I do love girls the way I’m supposed to feel about boys. Only I love boys too. Which always confused me.
So this show, first and foremost with just one simple sentence, said by none other than Gwyneth Paltrow, turned my world upside down and right side up and here I am now, thirty years old and a teen show taught me that where I am is exactly where I’m supposed to be. Because it’s not about who you are attracted to, it’s about who you fall in love with.
I know it sounds totally silly, but I always felt a bit awkward being sexually so attracted to girls and not at all to guys, and still being very much in love with my husband-to-be. It feels even weird saying it out loud, but now, finally I have accepted who I am and what I want. It might be totally weird but it is who I am.
And I know I ventured pretty far from my point here, so I come back to it:
I love love love the characters of Santana and Brittany and their relationship. Because it translates not only to my situation but has the potential for so so many stories and scenarios. Coming out of the closet, finding yourself, your identity, sexually and emotionally, that is something everyone has to do at one point. And yes, even though I love Santana way more because I have a giant soft spot for outwardly ‘evil’ characters who are overly vulnerable and emotional once you get through the hard shell, I identify more with Brittany, and not only because she still thinks of herself as bisexual. Also because she is so optimistic about everything, loves to try new things but is bound to get disappointed or disappoint others because you just can’t do everything. It’s not possible. And that is something I had to learn the hard way and I will make sure to be aware of it now that I set out to start my life as grown up, marry, start a new job, and hopefully have kids pretty soon.
The only thing I’m sure of right now is that I will continue watching the show (very excited about the announcement that Santana will be singing ‘Mine’ by Taylor Swift in an upcoming episode, I love that song) and first and foremost reading fanfic for them and it will continue to help me get through the rough patches. Because there’s so much of it, it’s fanfic heaven. The first one I read for them was set on a pirate ship and it was fantastic. Till then I’ve read fantasy fics, future fics, downright dark angsty hurt/comfort fics, porny fics and just happy fluffy fics. And every new story is a new adventure and gives me strength to face my life.
So whatever the PTB’s will do to my favourite girls, I will be able to live in happy AU land forever and enjoy the company of a snarky brunette and a sweet blonde. And I even started writing myself, something I haven’t done in a very long time.
So that is what Glee did for me.
Can’t wish for more.